Sorry seems to be the hardest word

Elton John tried to tell us 50 years ago, and then again in 2002, but jokes aside, saying sorry can be tough... Especially with social media amplifying mistakes and encouraging instantaneous feedback.

But despite this, the art of saying sorry is invaluable for any sort of leader. A sincere apology projects integrity and vulnerability, traits that people respect. But this sort of vulnerability is exactly why it's so hard.

Last week I read a blog post (the Microsoft and HMG comic strip collaboration), which has been rightly called out for being sexist and was quickly withdrawn. Cue public confusion, anger and (I imagine) lots of awkward conversations within the team that were responsible. But as far as i’m aware, no sort of acknowledgement of error.

Neil wrote a great summary of what should have happened in his week note. Mistakes happen, (most) people appreciate that, and in this example, an apology could have been a great way to control the narrative.

A COO will make lots of decisions every day. We shouldn’t avoid making mistakes, but rather have the courage to admit them. This will foster a culture of accountability and self reflection.

Time for a confession. I'm not great at apologising. As someone who is deeply conscious of people’s perception of me, I have struggled to admit my shortcomings. I can recall times where my ego got in the way, and I should have held my hand up much sooner than I did.

I like to think my experiences have made me stronger, and with a growth mindset I’m always trying to improve. Here are some principles I use to help make saying sorry a little easier when needed.

• Be self-aware and acknowledge the mistake front and centre.

• Put myself in the shoes of the person I'm apologising to. This different point of view helps me understand what the issue may be.

• Don’t rush into an apology, let emotions cool and let time pass to reflect on the above.

Ultimately, like giving any form of feedback, it’s something gets better the more you do it. Just in this case, don't do too much practising!

First written 3 March 2024