When work is family (and when it isn't)

Hello, I’m Poss, and welcome to my Confessions from a COO series where I share insights from 20+ years working in digital, data and technology driven organisations. 

I attended some leaving drinks this week. They are bittersweet, aren’t they? It’s very likely you won’t see that person again, yet you’ve shared some great experiences together in one way or another, so you celebrate the good times. You sign the card / kudoboard, and say goodbye. Given the transactional nature of our professional careers, people change jobs all the time, but the goodbyes are hard…

Which got me thinking about a question that has been both asked by me, and to me over the years: 

Should you think of your colleagues at work as family?

A few years ago – predominantly as a result of the COVID lockdowns – I would have said yes and that the collective noun for my colleagues was "family." That term was used in internal and external comms. At a time when many of us were worried or anxious because of the pandemic, it made sense to form strong bonds of community. From a personal point of view, I enjoy my work more when it’s alongside people I have a strong rapport with—so naturally, creating a sense of family was important to me as a leader.

However, in 2025, I’m not sure I would label my colleagues as family. Partly because I’ve matured and refined my leadership approach, but also because I now understand the challenges that come with such a tag.

My logic has nothing to do with personalities, but more to do with the objective benefits and disadvantages that this label might have.

“La familia” (the case for)

• We work better with a shared purpose – A strong sense of unity can drive motivation and collaboration. People who feel truly connected to their peers will often go above and beyond.

• Community matters – A workplace with camaraderie and the trust that goes hand in hand with a family is a great place to be. Retention levels (the favourite KPI of many a COO) will be high here.

• You spend a lot of time together – Whether you like it or not, you often spend more waking hours with your colleagues than with your actual family. So why not?

That said, the idea of workplace as family isn’t without its drawbacks, and in my experience, these often outweigh the positives.

“Contra la familia” (the case against)

• The need for boundaries – Professional relationships are more nuanced than personal ones. Workplace relationships need boundaries. Clarity around who is doing what is crucial in a high-performing team. There’s a reason siblings fight for attention from their parents, as this division of responsibility isn’t (often) codified in the home.

• A leader can’t always be friends – The one that hits home the hardest for me. The coach in me wants to be your ally and think of you like “my family,” but the harsh reality of leadership is that when there are tough calls to make, the COO has to prioritise the business.

• A COO can’t please everyone – With leadership comes criticism, difficult decisions, and occasional disappointments. The COO needs to be resilient to this, even at their own emotional cost. Adding the burden of “family” onto your shoulders isn’t helpful.

• It’s unfair to place that burden on everyone – Not all employees want or need that level of emotional commitment. As a COO, I strive for inclusivity—might the concept of family be unintentionally exclusive?

A team, not quite a family

I now see colleagues as a team rather than a family. A high-performing team requires trust, mutual respect, and support (just like a family), but also accountability, clear roles, and the ability to challenge one another without personal emotion getting in the way.

While the idea of work as family might seem appealing, the reality is more complex. A workplace should foster belonging, support, and shared purpose, but without the expectations and entanglements that come with familial relationships.

So, should we think of work as family? My answer today would be no. But should we build environments where people feel valued, supported, and inspired? Absolutely. And that, I think, is a far more effective approach.

What do you think?

Have you worked somewhere that felt like a family? Does the whole concept make your cringe?! I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Update: Funny, if extreme take https://www.instagram.com/reel/DHglsNAJDIO/?igsh=eHN1Mzl4dDQ4cmlu

First written 9 Feb 2025